= Interwebs Junkie: 2010

Friday, March 12, 2010

Wide, Weird, Wonderful World of Webcomics

Webcomics. Maybe you've never heard of them, maybe you have a list of a dozen or so you check every day (like me). Sites like topwebcomics catalog hundreds of them, and sites like the oddly named drunkduck host thousands of newer ones.

Essentially, a webcomic is the next stage of evolution of the classic newspaper print comics, like Peanuts,Calvin and Hobbes, or Bloom County. Classical comic artists like Berkeley Breathed or Bill Watterson often railed against the restrictions of the panel format, and now, with the interwebs, all such restrictions are lifted.

For those of you completely out of the loop, a comic strip is a form of art where a series of pictures, accompanied by words (usually) tells a story. Often humorous, like Jim Davis' Garfield (okay, bad example, that hasn't been funny for years... uh... Gary Larson's The Far Side) they can often be more dramatic.

A problem with traditional comics is they get too comfortable. Strips like Hi and Lois, Beetle Bailey or Hager the Horrible have been around for decades. Their humor is built on safeness, family friendliness and consistency.

With webcomics, the veil of readership approval has been removed. No longer are artists censored by publications weary of offending the very young and very old. Literally thousands of webcomics have been produced in the last two decades, with some older webcomics already boasting archives of over 2,000 strips.

One strip, active since late 2002 is Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, written by Zach Weiner. Mr. Weiner is a professional artist, and actually makes a living off of the webcomic he produces, from products and advertising.

In an e-mail correspondence, he writes (on being a webcomic artist), "It pays the rent. Seriously, everything else about it is nice, but nothing's nicer than making a living as an artist."

Zach's style is off the wall, producing non-linear comics that each produce a joke, usually in a single panel. His subjects vary, but he frequently touches on religion:

(All SMBC comics property of Zach Weiner)




And occasionally, SMBC dabbles in darker humor:




Seeing as how most webcomic readers are usually a little bit nerdy, Zach isn't afraid to go after his own audience either:




SMBC is a well-established, successful webcomic. A community of fans has arisen around the site, consisting of around 650 members, with almost 80,000 posts. Despite the community that exits solely because of his artistic creation, Zach has managed to remain fairly humble:

"Thanks to The Magic of the Internet, despite apparently having many readers, I rarely have contact directly with anyone. So, other than that my bank account is a little larger, and I eat out a little more, my life hasn't been changed by the modicum of "fame" I've received in the last
few years," he writes.

Any community needs managing, and a webcomic forum is no exception. Unfortunately, with the busy lifestyle of a self-managed, self-publishing artist, there is often only a little amount of time to work with, so helpers are often needed.

"I used to spend more time on it, but the burgeoning business has forced me to focus on writing and organizational stuff," Zach writes about his forums. "Fortunately, I have some very good mods."

Another webcomic is the up and coming Hitmen for Destiny, written by the talented Oyvind Thorsby. His specialties are strange monsters and convoluted, impossibly complex situations that slowly but surely grow hilariously out of control for the poor, confused characters wrapped up in them.

Perhaps his finest arc yet, Passion Lies and Fungus starts relatively simple, a basic case of mistaken identity and a disguised monster steadily growing into an impossible to decipher rapidly deteriorating situation.

His other specialty is describing monsters, always specified from an evolutionary standpoint, whose odd attributes are almost always relevant to the plot later, such as the Razor Spinners and Safety Hair Rabbits.

For Mr. Thorsby, the webcomic isn't a job, it's for fun. "It's a hobby," he writes. He enjoys it "When I get a good idea for the plot. Also, I like drawing new monsters."

His comic is fairly young by webcomic standards and doesn't yet have a forum or a large following. He has already been linked to by larger webcomics by artists appreciative of his storytelling talent.

A webcomic isn't easy to produce. Weiner's strips take 1-6 hours, while Thorsby usually spends around 3-5 hours per comic he produces. Keeping in mind that Zach updates usually around 4-5 times a week and Oyvind produces very long comics 2-3 times a week, you can begin to understand the effort that goes into the production process.

"If it's just 2 characters that sit and talk, I draw almost nothing new, but if it's an action sequence I tend to draw new stuff for every panel. Maybe 15 hours for the longest ones," Thorsby writes about his creative process.

For some, the work pays off. Large t-shirt companies like topatoco sell merchandise for beginning webcomics, and money from that and advertising allow some to live off of their art.

In a way, this is the newest form of art. Rather than separation of artist and publisher, the artist is now in charge of the advertising, hosting and business aspects of his work.

Yet another permutation of society brought upon by the advent of the interwebs, webcomics have an enormous potential to build communities around them. These can act as centers of society for the growing interwebs proto-nation.

For every possible taste or interest, there is a webcomic about it. The sites at the top are great places to start, and google can help too. Finding a webcomic that suits your interests is easy, and they can be quickly checked with e-mail and facebook on a daily basis. I would encourage anyone to check up on this interesting new art form.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Turning Off the Interwebs

Turning it all off is surprisingly easy. Just go to http://www.turnofftheinternet.com/ (make sure you have pop-ups enabled.)

But in all seriousness, there is a senate bill out there threatening to place a kill switch on the interwebs. Though I am loath to link to the sensationalist Fox News, they have a story on this phenomena here. (Also, check out that pic of Obama... man, they did not catch his good side).

Now, we can argue until out browsers run out of ink about whether this is a good or bad idea, but my question is simply, how would one do this?

First, let's examine the irony of the situation. For those of you out of the know, the interwebs was initially founded by ARPANET. Great wiki explanation of it here.

Long story short: these guys made the interwebs so that once the nukes fell, they'd still have a way to commnuicate. Apparently when nukes go off, it messes with radio waves, making any sort of transmitter useless.

Yes, back in the day, they had plans for surviving once they nuked themselves to oblivion. Our grandparents were nuts.

So, basically you have the most indestructable form of communication ever made by man. The interwebs has grown way beyond the capacity of what anyone at ARPANET could've dreamed of. Just check out this "map" of the interwebs, provided by andreae.com:

Each intersection of that light grid is a service provider. Each line is a connection. Each tiny little pixel represents a hundred computers or so. How could you destroy such a massive structure?

Imagine a spider on its web. To get from one side to another to feast on a juicy fly. It walks right through the center to the other side and gets its fly.

Now imagine the same web, only a bat has flown through the web, destroying the center. Now the spider must traverse to the other side, but by alternet routes along the edge. Is it slower? Sure. Is it destroyed? Not even a little bit.

That's what would happen with nuclear war, or a kill switch. The interwebs would be slowed certainly, but not nearly taken down. To me, the entire idea seems not just a little silly.

Basically, we've made an Aasimov-style super computer of such great complexity no man (or woman) can even understand a fraction of it. We can only manage it effectively as an entire species.

If it ever becomes sentient, we're going to have one heck of a time putting it down. I'd make that into a Science Fiction movie, but it's probably already been done about 400,000 times.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Interwebs Addiction

So, I've been reading that some people are actually addicted to the interwebs. In a bad way. This makes me feel kind of guilty about the whole flippant attitude to being an interwebs junkie.

The all-knowing wiki has more on the subject.

I, of course, immediately wondered if I was at risk. After all, I am the interwebs junkie, and counting cell phone use I spend probably around 6-12 hours on the interwebs per day.. So I took this test.

Fortunately, I only got a 38, meaning regular interwebs user. Probably because I lied to myself and the questions. But moving on, a few simple tips can help you to avoid becoming too interwebs addicted.

Try to take breaks from time to time. This should be obvious, but can be hard to realize when you're really addicted. Try to develop some hobbies that don't involve computers, like sports, board games or real people friends.

Ah... who am I kidding... the interwebs is everything now. Any hobby we can develop has an online presence which will draw us in for entirely innocent reasons. Communication with real life friends mainly takes place via interwebs (facebook, messaging) or phone, and phones have interwebs access now.

Addiction is going to become more and more commonplace as time goes on. I suppose I'm not one to offer good advice about this, seeing as how I am the self-title interwebs junkie.

So much of this advice seems rather arbitrary anyways. Most of this advice boils down to "go outside and hang out with extroverted people." For an introvert like me, this doesn't sound particularly fun.

Now, yes, if the interwebs is harming your health, education, job or relationships, you should lower your use of it (note: this applies to everything). But other than that, it's just another hobby, and no worse for you than a love for music or a particular sport (although, a sport would give you a better workout...)

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Dark Side of the Interwebs

The interwebs isn't all fun and games. There is some truly unpleasant stuff out there, and every good interwebs diver knows sometimes you have to put on the blinders and have a vat of brain bleach handy.

So, join with me, fellow interwebs divers, as we go through some choppy waters into some unpleasant places. I present to you: the interwebs diver's guide to the dark side of the interwebs.

Dark Side #1: Soapboxes for Nutjobs

There have always been crazies in the world. From the flagellants of olden times to the witch hunts of Salem, nutjobs have hounded us from day one. Usually, they can be safely ignored, ostracized and locked in the asylums that are probably best for them and us.

Unfortunately, the interwebs is an excellent place for crazies to get out their message of madness out to the world. David Icke is one. He starts small in this video, talking about small things leading up to the grand finale: Jewish people are actually shape changing lizards who live among us.

Without the interwebs, he's just another homeless man raving on the street. With the interwebs, he's a celebrity. Another one is timecube. I warn you not to go to that place, as therein only madness and sorrow live.

Something about how negative one times negative one is negative one. Then they go on to ascribe sides of the earth to races. What is it with crazies and race? It seems like nutters are attracted to bizarre racial theories like nerds to the interwebs.

Of course, there are a few more widely accepted ones, too. Zeitgeist is a big youtube video some worship like the religion it tries to disprove. And everyone knows of Loose Change, the youtube video that claims 9/11 was an inside job.

Dark Side #2: Providing support groups for horribleness.

Everyone is different, right? And these differences should be celebrated and encouraged, right? Wrong. There are some weird, messed up people in the world who should be ashamed of who they are.

In the past, they've lurked in basements (their parents') and back alleys, rightfully ashamed of who they are. Now, thanks to the interwebs, they can meet others like them and form supporting groups, encouraging them to be all freaky and awful.

I sound really mean right now, but I'm sure you'll agree when you realize I'm talking about groups like NAMBLA. Seriously, go check that out, then curse at me for getting that on your browser history. You're probably on a watch list... sorry.

These are people that could never meet in person. How would they start talking about that subject? But thanks to the anonymity, here they are, in all their freakish raiment. This category also includes pro-anorexia blogs and websites for white supremacy groups (though, sadly, they existed way before the interwebs).

Dark Side #3: Avenues for Illegal and Unethical Actions

Okay, sure, you can e-mail your drug dealer, but that's not what I'm talking about. Go on down to Craig's list and look under the job section. There is usually an adult area, in which all sorts of actions which aren't technically prostitution can be found.

How do I know about this? I'm not on trial here!

Also, as the Renaissance Woman found, marriage is far from a sacred institution on the interwebs. Just check out Ashley Madison. Sure, I've seen worse, but man, that is one heck of a website.

Imagine if you found that on your husband/wife's history. Even if they were curious or incredulous, how much would that hurt the old trust factor? I can't help but wonder how long it will be until divorce courts start demanding to see membership lists from them.

Dark Side #4: Creepy social networking sites, and other forms of data mining.

I've already covered this pretty well here. But this also applies to google, (I don't think a link is necessary, do you?) and their creepy e-mail reading algorithms.

Dark Side #5: All the gross stuff.

I'll do us both a favor and leave this description blank.

The dark side of the interwebs... a horrifying look at humanity's ugly side brought into the light. Beware, my fellow divers, and avoid looking directly at it. If you have any other knowledge of dark sides of the interwebs, please please please please don't tell me.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

7331 Haxors

Hacking. One of the least understood skill sets in existence. Based in the world of the interwebs, whose technical side few can claim to fully understand, hacking is a vague, broadly defined word basically meaning any possible combination of doing things you aren't supposed to on the interwebs or on other people's computers.

Here's how a great deal of hacking works: people write programs or scripts that tell a computer to guess password and user name combinations at prompts. A computer can guess a lot faster than an average person can type, up to a few billion guesses every second.

Eventually, the guessing computer will get the password right, if given enough time. Fortunately, complex passwords take a lot of time to guess.

We live in a modern age, where free and easily downloaded firewalls, anti-viruses and anti-spyware programs can render 99% of all hacking attempts obsolete. But somethings, probably considered hacks, are still all too easy to learn and use.

For instance, this article details how to crash interwebs explorer. There, Now you know how to hack. You can't turn me in now, you're in too deep already!

The history of hacking is a wide and varied one, taking place all over the world. Feel free to peruse the map below, showing the locations of some of the biggest hacking events in interwebs history.


View Blog Map in a larger map

And I totally lied about penguin hackers.



Diving Deeper -

http://www.sptimes.com/Hackers/history.hacking.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timeline_of_computer_security_hacker_history

http://www.francesfarmersrevenge.com/stuff/misc/hack/index.htm

http://www.crime-research.org/library/crime1.htm

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/02/19/AR2010021902643.html?hpid=moreheadlines

http://blogs.zdnet.com/security/?p=1670

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/08/02/british.hacker.mckinnon/index.html

http://www.geek.com/articles/news/japanese-hacker-arrests-doubled-in-2007-20081111/

http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/cri_sof_pir_rat-crime-software-piracy-rate

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Facebook; Creepy or Outright Malicious?

This video was reccomended to me by a friend lately. Go ahead and watch it. I'll wait.

...man, I forgot how long that video is. Hm... what to do, what to do... oh! Lolcats! Man those little guys are hilarious. I should kill this blog and make a new one devoted entirely to lolcats and loldogs. I wonder if interwebsloldogs.blogspot.com is already taken...

Okay, you've watched it. Pretty creepy at first glance, but a little far fetched. Conspiracy theories abound on the interwebs, and noting that some big name investors have invested in multiple things doesn't necessarily mean that the government is 1984-style creeping on our facebook pages.

But anyone who knows about facebook knows how genuinely stalker style they are. This site explains ten privacy settings that can make it less likely you'll be stalked or creeped by those who wish you harm, but nothing prevents facebook from using your data for their own nefarious ends.

And by nefarious ends, I mean selling data to marketing companies. You see those ads on the side of facebook? Ever notice how wonderfully targeted they are? It's because they can read your status. For instance, change your status to married, and you'll see all sorts of different ads targeted at newlyweds. Change your likes to 'Ice Cream', and you'll probably see some ads for Haagen-Daaz.

Is this necessarily a bad thing? I mean, if this is 1984, it's about the most benevolent form of 1984 imaginable. A big brother that carefully notes what you like, and makes suggestions for your further enjoyment? Doesn't sound too dystopian.

Of course, there has been a lot of complaints about facebook. The whole "invasion of privacy" thing is a big one. There have been many cases where authority figures (colleges, law enforcement, even secret service agents) have supposedly used facebook to track down people making inappropriate posts, threatening remarks or posting pictures of themselves breaking the law. (source)

IMHO, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. Sure, there might be a slippery slope leading to a total police state, but now facebook primarily uses their information to help you find cool new items and services you might like. They're making fabulous amounts of money doing it, and if this helps law enforcement track down criminals, so much the better.

What are your thoughts on the issue?

Friday, February 19, 2010

An Interview with an Interwebs Junkie

Dan is my good friend and one of the only people I know who spends more time on the interwebs than I do. This week, he talks about his experiences as an admin, his thoughts on how to behave online, and his strong opinions on net neutrality. Enjoy:




Thursday, February 18, 2010

Interwebs Etiquette

The worst part about being an anonymous, unaccountable, opinionated, immature interwebs diver is having to hang out with a bunch of anonymous, unaccountable, opinionated, immature interwebs divers.

Let's face it, this formula, taken from tvtropes, pretty much sums up the interwebs community sometimes:

Average Person + Anonymity + Audience = Absolutely Horrible Manners. But it doesn't have to be all bad. I now proudly present, in an attempt to rectify this situation, the interwebsjunkie's guide to interwebs etiquette!

Rule 1 - Don't Feed the Trolls

I won't be the first to say this, and I won't be the last. Trolls (so called because they, like fishermen, troll for bites (angry responses) in the sea of the interwebs (also retconned to mean they are nasty, like trolls)) exist only to verify their existence by goading others into flaming at them.

These angry reactions are their sustenance, their mission, their very reason for existing. Deny them this, and they shrivel and die. Feed them, and they thrive. And trolls can breed. A troll can smell the scent of an easy target, and they'll home in on forums where they are likely to be noticed and vindicated.

So the next time you see "ur mom is fat" just ignore them. They'll go away eventually. Nothing is worse to a troll then to be ignored, and nothing is more annoying than to see some noob getting angry at an obvious troll and engulfing an entire thread in painful flaming.

Rule 2 - Think Before you Flame

We've all seen this. Someone makes a comment about another poster, who then flies off the handle and begins spouting flame like an outraged interwebs dragon.

The medium of electronic communication is a vague one. There is no body language, no facial expressions (other than smileys) or any nonverbal cues at all to let someone know you are kidding. When something could be an insult against you, assume it isn't.

Violations of this rule often lead to the embarrassing double irony, where someone gets mad, the other person says they were just kidding, and then the original offender must claim they were also just kidding, ironically getting mad. There is no limit to how deep this can go, either. I've witnessed a poster claim to be kidding about getting mad at the other person getting mad at them getting mad. It was just silly.

Rule 3 - Don't Bite the Hand that Hosts You

Some people take the time to host websites where people can chat, visit forums and create a community. They are the builders of the town halls of the interwebs, and deserve our thanks and praise. They, or those they put in their place, act as admins to forums, policing and enforcing the rules they have seen fit to erect on their site.

Sometimes these rules are strange, but more often they are pretty basic: no forum necromancy,
no marketing products, no racial-based flaming, stuff like that. However, there is always a few ne'er do wells (possibly trolls, but often as not deluded divers) who decide that this is an affront to their rights as Americans, and that the admin is infringing on their right to free speech.

They claim they should be able to say whatever they like without censorship. Usually, I agree, but this is the interwebs equivalent of barging into someones house, loudly yelling profanities and then getting outraged when they ask you to stop.

Rule 4 - Help the Noobs

Yes, they are annoying. No, they don't understand what you mean when you talk in your favorite forum slang. But you were once a noob too. Hopefully, they'll follow my Rule 5 (see below) but even if they don't, you shouldn't pwn them, even if they deserve it.

Someday, they could be members of the forum and contribute just as much as you have. Perhaps they could be your friend at that time, and have interesting conversations. But none of this will happen if you ignore, belittle or curse at them. They'll likely slink away, shamed of their status, and you'll have disobeyed interwebs etiquette.

Rule 5 - Do Some Lurking Before you Post

Okay, so you found this cool new site. You want to dive right into the conversation, but what's this? You don't know what a PetSol is, or why anyone would want to CurioCamp?

Basically, you have two options; either do the responsible thing, lurk a bit, try to find out from context clues and look around for the FAQ thread or any stickies that explain terminology (there almost always is one) or you could be the annoying noob you are and start a new thread (probably in an inappropriate forum) titled HEY WHAT DOES THIS MEAN LOL and annoy all of the other posters.

Why is this relatively minor infraction annoying? Because your post is right above another post asking the same thing. And below it. Any forum is going to be spammed by noobs asking these questions, and even the most civic minded interwebs diver is going to be slowly worn down by the torrent of noobs.

Five easy rules to make yourself a more polite interwebs user. Of course, always remember that on the other end of that annoying poster is a real person, with thoughts, feelings and emotions. No matter how much fun it would be to anonymously crush them, it wouldn't be polite.

DIVING DEEPER -

http://www.livinginternet.com/i/ia_nq.htm - A great article on more netiquette.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Serious Business

Most of the time, the interwebs is a lighthearted world of lolcats, silly memes, and goofy trolls. Sometimes, though, the interwebs is serious business.

One of those times is when dealing with Net Neutrality. (It is really that dramatic). If you are one of those who doesn't know what Net Neutrality is, you can read up on it here.

Basically, Net Neutrality centers around the argument for paying different, tiered levels for bigger or smaller sites. Under a neutral system, (which is what proponents of Net Neutrality want) interwebs service providers would be regulated by good ol' Uncle Sam and forced to provide equal service for everyone.

Proponents argue that this will allow the same level of wacky hijinks and innovation we've seen on the interwebs so far to continue. Opponents of this idea claim that it puts a hobble on free market capitalism and is essentially another case of overregulation that would ultimately put too much strain on interwebs providers.

Opponents of Net Neutrality point out how vaguely worded any law dealing with it sounds, and how these laws would also apply to coffee shops with wireless networks, and other ridiculous considerations. The trouble senators and congressmen are having with this likely stems from how well they understand what the interwebs actually is. Or, if you prefer: how well they understand what the interwebs actually is. (I someday want to get famous enough that people make techno remixes of my gaffes).

Essentially, this is a tangled issue, with the classic American political mix of free market vs. regulation, free speech vs. corporate interests, efficiency vs. diversity, and technology vs. economy. But it's also reeeeaaaly boooooriiing. And the debate has already been covered far better than I ever could.

So I'm going to put the essential debate of net neutrality into the native tongue of the interwebs. Enjoy:

Free Interwebs is teh awsum LOL!
moar funny pictures

Hey, we iz loosing teh moneys.   U iz yoosing too much of teh interwebs.  Srsly.  We
moar funny pictures

WUT! Do NOT want!
moar funny pictures

We iz gunna be way too konstrayned. Uz pwns our ennofayshuns.
moar funny pictures

Wut iz u, kommyounist? Wy is u be wunting to regyoolait my eekonomiez like a noob? Iz diskushun fer enjuneerz, not noobs lik uz!
moar funny pictures

STFU!
moar funny pictures

But srsly, Net Neutrality is Serious Business for the Interwebs. I encourage you to read more about it, and develop your own, educated opinion on the subject. What are your thoughts on the issue?

Diving Deeper -

http://cheezburger.com/lolbuilder.aspx (All images and lolcats built here)

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

A review: Chat Roulette

It has come to my attention that some of you have been using this site to instantly and anonymously chat with other randos in a time consuming, oddball fashion of eclectic weirdness, unlimited potential and pornography. This is what the interwebs is all about, so I sauntered on over to review this site for the more discerning interwebs divers.

The site has a simple layout, and within moments you are chatting with other interwebs users in real time video with text support. Though the site is nice and cleanly organized and simple to get started (so easy a kid could do it... unfortunately... more on that later) the sound quality is awful, and most resort to the text bar provided. The video is good quality, depending on the stranger's web cam.

I immediately got started and began chatting. I kept a live log of typed thoughts and references, quickly put up as I was watching for 100 chats. I now present to you these hastily scribbled experiences:

1: A dark room, a foot.

A perfect intro to the weirdness that is to follow.

2: an asian man playing video games.
3: A shirtless man, a sign says looking for bitch.
4: A naked man gripping his erect member. He hits skip before I can.

Unfortunately, this is the first of many weiners I saw that night.

5: A dark screen. I pause for a moment to write.
6: A girl with a mask. She quickly hits skip.
7: A dude bro. He hits skip.
8: Another dark screen. I call out hello tentatively. There is no response.
9: Guy, he sees my phi tau shirt. We start to chat, he turns out to be from Miami.
He is a beta theta pi. We chat for a bit.

This is the first actual conversation I have. It was rather pleasant, but I'd rather chat with friends.

10: Another dick.
11: Two guys. They tell me that they've seen four guys in a row as a 'dick chain'. They have
accents. They say they are going to try to break their record.
12: Two more guys, look like tools. They hang up quickly.
13: A little boy. Shouldn't be on here.
14: A toolbag. Quickly changes.
15: A dick.
16: Another dick.

I suppose I now have a two dick chain.

17: A creepy looking dude in dark glasses. He says nothing and stairs at me.
18: A man in a wrestling mask.
19: A guy who flips me off.
20: A girl in black and white.

The high contrast hides flaws. There were enough women who used this trick I began to suspect
that, though there were more wieners looking for chicks, there were also some chicks looking for wieners.

21: A red sign that says boobs | vaginas. There is a 1 under the boobs.
22: A sign that shows papa smurf and says I need boobs to save my village.
23: A guy in a wrestling mask.
24: Another dick.
25: A man wiping up his ejaculate, having just came on his pants.

This was pretty disgusting, and I considered scrapping the whole project here. But as an Interwebs person, I have seen some nasty stuff, so bravely (or foolishly) dove deeper.

26: A man looking into the distance.
27: A creepy man in a hoodie.
28: Two asian girls. They say they are from Asia. I tell them I've seen a lot of wieners.
They laugh and then hang up.
29: Another dark screen.
30: A guy who quickly changes it.
31: A man with dark glasses dancing at me.
32: A man laying down in bed.
33: A man with dreads glaring at the camera. He has a neck beard. I ask him how long
he has been growing them. He says nothing, merely stares at the camera.
34: Another random dude.
35: A very angry looking dude.
36: Another wiener
37: A laughing chick.
38: A dude.
39: Another dude.
40: Wiener.
41: Creepy dude.
42: A silent boy.
43: Boobs? Huh. I guess it works both ways.
44: A man grabbing his erect penis through his pants.
45: A creepy guy.
46: a naked man.
47: Wiener.
48: A creepy dude.
49: A man standing up, drinking a beer. He says he has been at it all day.
50: Creepy dude.
51: Wiener.
52: A man playing music on a glowing keyboard. Very cool. It flashes whenever he plays a key.
He then puts his fingers into a circle, and pushes his finger through the circle,
mimicking coitus. I tell him he is classy. He does so again. I hit next.
53: My camera freezes. It is in a weird facial position.
54: A small guy in a hoodie.
55: A man moves frantically around.
56: A girl looks into the camera.
57: A guy in a white undershirt.
58: A girl in a revealing shirt. We make small talk, it turns out she is from Norway.
I tell her she is number 58, we talk about the dudes who masturbate. We begin to chat.
She comments she has been there, and we have a chat conversation.
Stranger: only my dad and his family are from englnad
..we continue to chat for some time. About culture in Norway, the amazing nature of this technology, ect.

This, to me, shows the potential of this site. Instant face to face contact with different cultures. Amazing. Think about what this could do for world peace, cultural understanding, technology, art, ideas... the mind boggles. Or, alternatively, it could be used to show people your wiener.

59: A girl in goth clothing.
60: A group of giggling girls.
61: A man in dark shades. He is joined by another guy. They begin smoking cigarettes.
They hit next.
62: dude.
63: Naked dude.
65: Black and white chick.
66: Goth chick. She stares for a moment, then mouths something. We begin to type.
We have a conversation, and she begins to tell me about her day. Apparently it
was quite crazy. I notice her hair is died, and she is wearing quite a lot of
make up. I briefly wonder if she got prettied up for this, and think back to the other
girl's shirt. Hm...
She talks about the wieners and drinks the last of some fluid from a pitcher,
then asks me to guess her age?
I show her to my girlfriend, who guesses 16.
She tells me she is 15! Too young to be on this site.
If dudes have been showing their wieners to her, that is total illegal. Huh.
She tells me she is from the UK.
We chat for a bit, but I start to feel weird about chatting up a 15 year old online.
67: An Asian man in dark glasses.
68: A naked man in a hunting cap.
69: A woman in lots of makeup, my theory continues.
70: A man opens by saying global warming is a lie. We begin to talk politics.
He is from new jersey.
He tells me religion is a lie, then switches.
71: A woman with a bottle of tequila.
72: A man in headphones gives me the peace sign.
73: A man or woman in what looks like a burkha. Or Naqib thing.
74: A close up of a man's sleeve. He does not respond to my hailing.
After a minute I hit next.
75: A girl. She tries to speak then clicks next.
76: A girl.
77: A girl. Are they looking for weiners?
78: Darkness.
79: Creepy guy.
80: Creepy guy.
81: Creepy guy.
82: Wiener.
83: Creepy guy.
84: Guy masturbating into pants.
75: A gal from the Netherlands. She makes me guess this, though,and I reveal my embarrassing lack of European geography. She tells me she has a friend in Ohio, who is named Koen.
We discuss stereotypes of our countries. Pot smoking, red light districts.
She tells me I look like jack black, and we talk about how much better porn is then this site.

Overall, probably the conversation I enjoyed the most. Two students from different cultures speaking on various subjects, promoting understanding of each other... wonderful concept.

76: A black screen after that nice break.
77: A creepy dude. He says lol then disconnects.
78: A strange glowing light.
79: A creepy dude.
80: A douchebag creepy dude.
81: Another little kid. Ugh.
82: A black screen.
83: A wiener.
84: A creepy dude.
85: A black screen.
86: A blinking clock. Digital with green numbers. A red light is flashing.
People are talking in the background. He says "it a bomb" He turns the
camera to reveal he is in a Darth Vader helmet, and gives me a thumbs up.
He gives me the peace sign and hits next.
87: Creepy dude.
88: Blank screen.
89: Blank screen.
90: Black n' white girl.
91: A grainy quality creepy dude. He stairs at the screen, unwavering.
His webcam is awful, and it makes him look like an old video. He says
nothing, merely staring at me for some time before hitting next.

This was the most unsettling, and there were many unsettling ones.

92: Creepy dude.
93: Creepy dude.
94: A dude in a large fake mustache. He makes faces at me and then
clicks next.
95: A man wearing a Russian hat in bad. Very creepy.
96: Wiener.
97: A pleasant looking man and woman. They begin to talk to me, but my
computer crashes.
98: After getting back on, I see a very androgynous person smiling.
I have no idea if it is a man or a woman, but it quickly goes away.
99: Another creepy man in a hat.
100: A man slowly puts a bear closer and closer to the screen and then
pushes its crotch into the webcam.

Confusing, so I broke it down into statistics for easy digestibility:

Random Weirdness - 15%
Blank Screens - 7%
Creepy Dudes - 41%
Creepy Girls - 12%
Creepy Androgynous - 1%
Pleasant Conversations - 3%
Kids - 2%
Wieners - 19%

I can't help but notice that the creepy guy/creepy girl ratio (counting wieners as creepy guys) is a poor 60/12, or 5:1 ratio. Not good odds, creepy guys.

So, in essence, we have a site of amazing power for communication, cultural contact, information and discourse. However, it is mostly used for sex and voyeurism. In this, it is a perfect mirror for the interwebs as a whole. Overall entertainment value I would say is mostly poor, unless you like looking at wieners or having people look at yours (and in that case, it is mostly other wieners and giggling girls, so why bother?)

A fun thing to do once, but not enough draw to lead me back there.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Descent into the Interwebs

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Place of Your Very Own

Forums. We love to hate them. Sure, we're members of somewhere around 18-20 of them, where we contribute, comment, flame, troll and generally act excessive. But if you've been banned from one to many and crave the power of the admin for yourself, then there is no other option than to make one of your very own.

There are many ways to do this. If you have your own server, you can simply download some free software and start making your own. For the purpose of this post I'm going to assume you don't, though, and start from the beginning.

There are a few great sites, but one of the all around nicest and easiest (for forums with lower population densities, at least) is myfreeforums. For the first step, simply head on over there. Fill out your information, then click the create forum button.

Congratulations! You just made your own forum. Easy, wasn't it. Now, just click on go to your forum and it will take you there. Now, you are admin of your own forum, the undisputed ruler of your realm, and... oh, it looks pretty crappy, doesn't it... okay, no worries, we can fix that up.

You will be, by default, logged in as admin with whatever password you selected. First, go ahead and go to the admin panel down towards the bottom of the page, as seen here:



Now, everything is here in front of you that will be explained better than I can in my post. But why would you want to read all of that boring jargon when you could listen to me. Go ahead and click on the left side of the screen, where it says forums, as here, then click on management.



Click up near the test category thing where it says edit, then type in whatever you want your first major category, or large group of posting areas, to be. Then start clicking add forums, and you can make the architecture of your forum to your liking. Just type in a brief description, a title, and leave the other fields and areas pretty much alone.

After that, click add new category to add wings to the new mansion of your forum. Once you're done building the basics, its time to start adding decoration.

A cool thing you can add to make the site have flavor is ranks. Go into the general tab, click on ranks, and then fill some out. Basically, when your users post a certain number of entries, then they'll be given a new rank, which appears under their name.

You can also go into the word censors, also under the same tab, to set up any censorship you desire. Now, I prefer a free flowing discussion, so I just used it to replace my friend's name with an insulting nickname. This is the power you can abuse as an admin.

You can also customize your smileys, adding a certain flair to your site. Just go into smileys under the general tab and scroll way down to the bottom and select import smiley pack. I personally like lotsofsmileys... it is so over the top.



To truely personalize your blog, you'll need a better template. Hit the styles tab, click add and then scroll down until you find a template preview you like. When you find one, click install. But you aren't quite done yet. Go back up to the general tab and go into configuration. Now scroll down until you see the default style option, here:



Now, set it to the style you selected in the last step. Then scroll all the way down and hit submit. Your blog should be changed.

Well, all for now. Let me know if you know of any cool forum sites other than what I mentioned, or any additional tricks to make your forum the coolest on the interwebs.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Murdering Time

Everyone has too much time on their hands. I know, I know, not you, the busy little activist reading this site. You're taking classes part time while holding down two jobs, caring for your pet hedgehog and you are involved with the local 2nd amendment club and boy oh boy you have no time.

But as an exercise, sit down and think about your day. Try to account for every hour, every minute of that time period. If you are an extremely busy, active person, there will always be at least a two hour period that went to TV, video games, interwebs surfing or, more likely, you will be unable to even account for the time that went missing.

On the other hand you could be a lazy, lethargic, layabout, low-life loser who has hours and hours to kill each day. That works too. Either way, that pesky time needs to be rounded up and executed gang-land style. It disrespected the local don, and now it has to go.

Presenting: The Interwebs Junkie's list of the 6 top time-murdering sites on the web. Behold, a veritable armory of weapons used to spill the blood of extra time. Let's get started:

6. www.youtube.com - I know what you're thinking. "Wow, interwebs junkie, what an obscure site! How long did you have to dig to find this gem? I'd never heard of it before, and never would have found it without you!" I can hear the tones of sarcasm echoing off the walls of this forum, I get it.

But youtube is a great time killer, and I feel this list would be incomplete without it. You may already know of youtube for providing your favorite music set to some high school kid's insipid slide show of his chubby girlfriend. But some people also upload original content for your viewing pleasure.

Some stuff, like sneezing panda, or chocolate rain, have already become humongous interwebs memes. A lesser-known but equally hilarious video is the evil baby, here. Charlie bit me is also good, but you've heard of that.

Youtube also, like all creepy google-owned things, keeps track of everything you've ever looked at, favorited or commented on to suggest new videos it thinks you'll like. This was recommended for me. I'm not sure that says anything good about my intelligence level, but man! Those trucks are getting creamed!

Youtube has a particularly vile commentary community. I think there are more trolls than normal posters, all trolling themselves in a vicious cycle of hate-spewing nonsense. I've actually found some fairly educated flaming, such as a series of comments debating where written language was first invented, or a group of Pakistanis arguing over the fate of Kashmir in the comments of a cricket game, but for the most part it's uninspired, profanity-laced dreck.

5. http://cheezburger.com/sites This URL isn't immediately recognizable, though you're probably thinking of the famous icanhascheezburger, which is but one section of this site. Genius in its simplicity, the site's formula is: random pic + funny caption = interwebs success.

Chief among its myriad of sites is incanhascheezburger, which does this with cat pics. Another section, ROFLrazzi does this with celebrity pics, or stills from movies. Ihasahotdog is this with dog pics. You get the idea.

The Fail blog is also a part of this site. That site will depress you faster than people of walmart and awkward family photos (both popular websites thanks to savvy facebook spamming). Epicwinftw (epic win for the win? Isn't that like ATM machine?) is the opposite, and will cheer your right up.

Overall a great series of sites, each of which could qualify for this list. I don't know why pics of cats in silly positions are so addicting, but to deny their power is foolishness.

4. www.read.gov This site has thousands (if not millions) of books, articles, essays and podcasts from any possible author (as long as copyright stuff has fallen through, so not too many current works) and is enough to keep you entertained with the finest literary works ever written for the rest of your mortal life.

What's that you say? Books are lame? Well, I take offense. Sure the interwebs is mainly used for goofing off, but what's wrong with using it for some learning every now and then? Sure, Dickens may not have the zip or zing of a well-shot youtube video, by he's got to be worth a little of your time...

Right?

Okay fine, I never go to that site either except to hunt down works by H.P. Lovecraft I don't already own. There, you caught me. The reader is really nice though, and makes it feel like your actually reading the book... which is probably more of a turn off than anything to the average interwebs junkie. Moving on...

3. http://www.cracked.com/ This site, the successor to the magazine (do you guys remember that? Kind of like Mad? No? Okay, I'm old, moving on...) basically is several comedy writers writing blogs, composing top ten lists, and providing an acerbic, cynical look at popular media.

The reviews are great, the rants are stellar, and the photoshop competitions (entries provided by the readership) are remarkable, but the lists are what bring it home for this site. The lists are amazing, and are updated at the rate of 3-4 fresh ones a day. At the end of every list are links to related lists, so your browser window will quickly become overpopulated with new tabs.

It's possible to kill off hours at this site without even noting any time has passed. List after list flies by, each taking 10-15 minutes to read, and before you know it you've read twelve of them.

Though dubious (at best) with accuracy or journalistic credibility (and who needs that anyways) th e se were some excellent lists when I visited the site, and as mentioned before they update constantly. Warning: by reading those, you might start clicking links, which will cost you the better part of the day. Don't even go for it if you have things to do.

2. http://www.bubblebox.com/ Everyone has their own interwebs gaming site, but I think this is the strongest. They add 2-3 new strangely addicting, simple to play games every day, each one taking a few hours to beat. You could devote your life to this and still never play through the full content of every game hosted.

The irony is, though living in a house with an Xbox360 and Wii, I spend far more time gaming with stupid little free flash games on the interwebs than I do with those gargantuan systems. (Is that irony? I can never get it right).

They have all of the little games nicely divided and organized, easily searchable and nicely listed. There are adventure, action and racing games, all standard fare, and then an entire section devoted to girl games (whatever that means).

The commentary community site here is worse than facebook's. Seriously, go to any game then look down at the comment area (you'll need to vote to see it). I don't think there are anything but trolls there, and troll feeders, probably just baiting trolls to troll. It's like a triple-layer troll sundae with troll sauce on top.

(This paragraph is where I was planning on copy/pasting some horrible comments I found there just to give you an example. Unfortunately, they were just too silly and offensive.)

1. www.tvtropes.org What do you get if you take out what little accountability is in wikipedia, add in the sub-human fan base of youtube and then mix with a heaping helping of nerd? This site is the answer.

Readers of my blog could probably have seen this coming. I am in love with this site. We were married online back in '06, and for our honeymoon we went to www.tvtropes.org.

Basically it gives run downs of popular media (tv only originally, but it's expanded to include EVERYTHING). Each site has a number of tropes (kind of like cliches, but cooler) that it contains. Of course, all of these are in coded interwebs speak, so you have to open then into a new tab to find out what they are. And in those definitions, you find more tropes listed, and more shows. So you have to find out what they are... and so on, and so on, until you wake up with qwertyface not knowing when the last time you ate was.

Seriously, on a scale of time killing rating from 1 t0 10, this site is 10+ : time-genocide. I've wasted days on this site and unearthed not even a fraction of a percentage of its total content, which is 99.99% user-supplied. I've edited a few articles myself and posted a few reviews.

Sign up for yourself (it's laughably easy) just to get a feel of how tested these "experts" are. It's basically a nerd fest of nerds nerdily arguing about their nerdy pet nerd shows; a raucous good time, if you're in to that.

Okay, chances are that if you've followed some of those links it's taken you two days to finish this post (sorry about that). Have I missed any? Feel free to flame at me/defend your favorite time killing site below.

Further Diving -

Sites Mentioned:

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HomePage - TV tropes!

http://cheezburger.com/sites

Gaming Sites:

http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=game+sites&
aq=f&aqi=g-s1g3g-s1g5&oq=&fp=64df356c6a3f8304

Great Article on
Youtube Memes:

http://mashable.com/2009/05/25/youtube-video-memes/ - Great article on
youtube memes

Monday, January 25, 2010

The language of the Interwebs

The task of making a dictionary for any language is a daunting one. Natural languages, like English, change over time, so any dictionary must be updated constantly to keep pace with the new words and usages.

For the interwebs, there is no dictionary, and likely never will be one. Each major forum has its own dialect of interwebs speak, completely indecipherable to outsiders. For instance, my girlfriend loves the site cuteoverload, which uses a variation of lolspeak with words like "prosh" for precious and "nosicles" for animal noses. The baby-speak style of that dialect fits well with the overall purpose of the site, which is to be nauseatingly cute.

Though I speak many variations of classic interwebs speak, my main dialect is tvtropes. A fascinating site that will have you opening more tabs than can fit on a browser window. It is in the reviews, forums and wiki-like edits of that site I learned what brain bleach, nightmare fuel and an ear worm were.

The language there is a good example of the constant morphing that goes on. For instance: one trope is called the crowning moment of awesome, meaning a really cool action or scene for a character or show in general. That mutated into the tropes "crowning music of awesome," for really good music, "crowning moment of funny," for funny scenes, and for the opposite, "dethroning moment of suck." Of course, if the scene involves coronation, it becomes an "awesome moment of crowning," an example of the fickle, whimsical nature of interwebs linguistic morphology.

Game communities, like the overbearing, unstoppably popular MMORPG, WoW, are infamous for their indecipherable jargon, usually centering around cryptic acronyms. Though I'm no WoW'er myself, I have tried to max my HP so I could tank for someone with high DPS while LFG for a raid. (Real WoW players will be embarrassed at my lame attempt to emulate them; it's been years since I've played).

I frequent the forums of the board game, Arkham Horror, which has its own unique dialect. The AOOs of IH are considered nigh unbeatable. Such communication shortcuts can be beneficial for long time users, but are often frustrating to those new to the community. Often, a newb will have to lurk for some time before they can even begin to speak the lingo.

Perhaps the most commonly known interwebs language is lolspeak. It is most popularly embodied in its incarnations of lolcats, which have crawled from the darkest recesses of the interwebs and into public life. It features terrible grammar, frequent misspellings and constant allusions to lolcat memes like ceiling cat or "in ur ___, ___-ing ur ___."

It's a fool's errand to try to document any sort of history of interwebs culture, but the main theory, at least the one proposed by the creator of the infamous icanhascheezburger, in this techspeak interview, is that lolspeak originated from infamous message boards like somethingawful and fark.

There, a little digging on the message boards finds that the most common theory states it likely descended from 1337 speak. 1337 speak was developed by interwebs users trying to evade filters which ran very simple detection code for words. This is the language we get such old-school gems as "haxx0rz" "teh suxx0rz" and the ever-popular "n00b".

Though the spelling of 1337 speak differs greatly from spelling of lolcats, the overall intentionally awful grammar is roughly the same, so the theory seems sound. The language has taken off in popularity, to ridiculous proportions. For instance, the Constitution of the United States is now being translated into lolspeak, apparently by people with far too much time on their hands, and, well... there is this: a bible written in lolspeak. Does it speak ill of me that I kind of want that? Or, more simply put, I can haz lolspeak bible?

A small excerpt from that site:
John 3:16: "So liek teh Ceiling Kitteh lieks teh ppl lots and he sez 'Oh hai I givez u me only kitteh and ifs u beleeves him u wont evr diez no moar, kthxbai!'"

Truly, these are the signs of the end times.

The only way to learn the language of a specific site is through practice and patience. Oh, wait, no you don't, I forgot; we have the interwebs. If you don't know it you can just google it. Instant gratification. The only danger is letting your newly acquired grammar bleed into real life; nobody knows what I'm talking about when I say "Man, I've got an ear worm that won't quit." Instead of a song stuck in my head, they likely think I have some disgusting infection.

In the real world, language is still by comparison to the word of the interwebs. Part of the fun, the community comes from a shared (or not so shared) esoteric language of memes, phrases and nonsense words. If you know any witty or interesting interwebs language, point it out in the comments section, with a brief definition and any background you can muster. Maybe it is impossible to have a complete dictionary, but let's have a highlight section here.

Diving Deeper:

On lolspeak:
http://speaklolspeak.com/ - Includes a great translator.

The Basics:
http://www.todaysparent.com/article.jsp?content=5214

Lolcat Refernces:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lolcat - A history of lolcats. Dates back to the early 1800's!
http://materyalistceseyler.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/funny-pictures-ceiling-cat-creates-man1.jpg
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/06/im-in-ur-office-earnin-ur-salry.jpg


Tvtrope Lingo:
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EarWorm
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/NightmareFuel
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BrainBleach

WoW Lingo:
http://forums.worldofwarcraft.com/thread.html?topicId=75427760&sid=1 - A ton of it.

On 1337 speak:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leet

Infamous Forums:
http://www.somethingawful.com/
http://www.fark.com/

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Deep Waters

This blog is about the culture of the interwebs. Not the internet, that formal, serious revolution in culture and information access that is changing the world around us as we speak, but the interwebs - that place of unending pathways leading deeper into the entertaining, the inane, the nonsensical, the beautiful and the horrific that you traverse when you should be working.

Most people are mere waders into the ocean of the interwebs. They stick to well-populated islands like facebook, gmail or myspace, unwilling to swim into deeper waters. But some hear a siren call and find themselves pulled - by curiousity, boredom, or some other unameable force - into the depths of the interwebs. They allow themselves to be pulled deeper, sucked down into the infinite murky abyss... they find fascinating secrets and wondrous treasures.

Diving deeper, into the ocean trenches of the interwebs, they find entire cities built by their fellow explorers... forums, imageboards, chatrooms and wikis made by and for interwebs people. There they join communities of like-minded souls. Media consumers, meme-chasers and online gamers. Entire civilizations form around sites with their own cultures, etiquette and language.

But the call to dive deeper is always present. There is no bottom to this ocean, and divers find more exotic and novel treasures the further they go. Images no man has seen before, websites of infinite entertainment, online flash games of unlimited simplicity and addicting value... these are the wonders the divers of the interwebs seek, to be brought up and displayed at the great cities of the interwebs for all to see.

And there is always more to explore, always more to see, always more to find. No matter how far an interwebs person goes, it is never far enough. Eventually, they become an interwebs junkie, and it is this creature that this site is for. A survivor of flamewars, a baiter of trolls. An admin, or a forum necromancer. A noob pwner or a leet haxxor.

The interwebs junkie is a jaded creature. They've seen it all... at least in images. They've done irony, ironic irony, double and triple irony. They've had over 20 tabs open at once. They're a member of at least a dozen forums. They understand what the GIFT is, and how they can avoid being a part of it. They've said lol in real life, and they meant it. They have at least two junk e-mails to sign up for sites online.

I am an interwebs junkie, and as one, I'll seek out the best, most interesting sites I can find for my fellow divers. And if you, the reader and fellow interwebs junkie can find better, I ask you to share. Because this site is another outpost of the deep, another bulwark of civilization and exploration in the great vastness of the expanse. Here I will discuss, analyze, criticize and link to anything and everything of interest on the interwebs, the more esoteric and convoluted the better.

So join me, my fellow junkies. Let us dive as deep as possible, into the farthest crevices and reaches of the interwebs. Like the great explorers of old, we will chart out new territory, see new sights, and travel into the deep waters of the interwebs.